'Hulk Bored!'

Was it me, or was the Hulk movie a little bit, well, shite?

True, only got myself to blame when it comes to the disappointment. I’m far too old to keep being caught in the ‘trailer good = film good’ cobblers.

But by Christ, the last Hulk trailer was bloody fantastic!

Should have stuck with my instincts, since everything I heard about it last year sounded crap. Although the teaser bathroom sink trailer before Spider-Man was pretty funny (it was supposed to be, right?).

But I got sucked up in the hype.

I was one of the few who thought the first Super Bowl footage of the Hulk himself wasn’t lame, and who thought it was great that Ang Lee was pushing for a more psychological and thoughtful line in keeping with Peter David’s excellent run on the comic rather than the easy, Hollywood popcorn route of “Hulk smash puny tanks/buildings/gamma-irradiated Godzilla thing.”

Psychological and thoughtful is one thing, but painfully drawn out scenes of psychotic people looking thoughtful over microscopes was sheer bloody butt-numbing torture.

And don’t get me started on Nick Nolte’s shockingly over-the-top, Shakespearean piss take performance.

Was he in character when he got nicked last year? Was it all part of some new Hollywood method acting gig? And if that’s the case, does that mean Winona was in auditions for the lead in My Life As A Hollywood Shoplifter?

What is it with Hollywood’s spin on comic book villains? They always end up coming across like some stupid, one-dimensional… well, er, comic book villains.

Shit.

Maybe that’s the problem?

Hollywood’s perception of a comic book villain.

It seems that most superhero genre movies since Tim Burton’s Batman features a villain in the same vein as Nicholson’s Joker.

Jim Carrey’s Riddler, Tommy Lee Jones’ Two-Face, Willem Defoe’s Green Goblin, Colin Farrell’s Bullseye.

There are only so many times you can tap a vein before it collapses.

But the Hulk wasn’t all bad. Hell, Jennifer Connely looked even better than she did in Labyrinth (hey, I was a teenager when I saw it, so back off!).

Eric Bana had the intensity necessary for Banner, but the film definitely lacked the essential scene of Bruce whipping his cock out to taunt Glenn Talbott (what do you mean you haven’t seen Chopper?).

And the scenes with the Hulk himself… pure geek heaven. But tank bashing, rocket chewing, giant leaping aside, the close-up emotional moments were a tribute to the CGI bods. Not quite as convincing as Gollum, but still a step in the right direction.

Tits though. After the top notch X-Men 2 I thought Marvel Films were unstoppable.

Still, there’s always the Spider-Man sequel… and the trailer for Hulk 2: Anger Management looks fantastic, eh?

Stu Taylor is Editorial Consultant for Bulletproof Comics and is a regular writer for Black Library Publishing’s Inferno! and Warhammer Monthly. And no, there is no such thing as a Hulk 2 trailer.